Late
by Catrin27
Summary: Amelia/Ronon to start then Keller/Ronon. Amelia wonders about her relationship with Ronon. Does he still love Keller? Should she just walk away?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note - This is my first SGA fic and am quite nervous about it. Currently without a beta so all mistakes are my own. **

**Disclaimer - anything you recognise, its not mine. **

**Spoilers for everything through the Lost Tribe (season 5). **

**Prologue**

Amelia POV

She loved him.

Some days she wishes she could hate him. It would be so much easier that way, so much easier to move on, to pretend it didn't hurt quite so much. She knew when they had started out that he still had feelings for the Doc. But she had really liked him and she had hoped that in time he would see her, see the woman in front of him who loved him.

That was six months ago and she now had to admit that it hadn't worked. She still saw his eyes follow the Doc in the mess, heard him whisper her name softly in his sleep, crying out her name when he came. He didn't know he did it, she was sure of that, and she never mentioned it; hoping that one day it would stop, that it would be her name he would call out in ecstasy.

And now she was late, the kind of late that sends women across several galaxies into a tailspin of excitement and fear, hope and nervousness. She was in the bathroom off her quarters pacing, waiting the necessary five minutes for the little stick to change colour.

As she paced, she thought, did she want a baby? What would Ronon say? Would he stay with them, even though she knew he didn't love her? Would she have to leave Atlantis?

Ronon would never abandon them, if there was a them, she was sure of that much. With his Satedan family lost to him, he took the people of Atlantis as his own and the chance to have a family would not be one he could just let go of. But could she live like that?

She tried imagining her life with Ronon and a baby. He would care for and protect them both, he might come to love her for giving him a real family, they might even end up bonded. But he would never be in love with her, not like he still was with the Doc. She tried imagining a house, a picket fence, a home quite unlike the one she had been raised in, in the Bronx. But her home had been filled with love, her parents love, the love of her siblings and she wouldn't have changed that for anything.

Abruptly, the timer dinged and she froze. It was done. Scared silly, she slowly walked over to counter and looked down.

**Chapter 1**

It was blue.

What the hell did blue mean???

Panicking she grabbed for the packet, desperately trying to find the instructions that were written in English. Spotting them she took a deep breath and read out "if the lines on the test are blue then you are not pregnant"

Not pregnant … no baby…

Sitting abruptly on the edge of the bath, Amelia let out a deep breath, part relief, part despair and then, squaring her shoulder as if for a fight, she stood up, tossed the test in the trash, splashed some water on her face and went to down to the mess for a late lunch which she had been too nervous to eat before.

Living at the edge of the city had its perks and the long peaceful walk to the Mess was occasionally one of them. While she walked, she thought, baby or not, this mornings scare made her ask some pretty serious questions about herself and her relationship with Ronon. She was so deep in thought, in fact, that she didn't actually hear the shouting until she had reached the mess doors. Opening the doors, the sounds got much louder and she realised that it was actually Dr Keller yelling and at Dr McKay!

"How could you Rodney! I don't get it! I could have… we could have… how could you!?!"

"What … what are you talking about?" Rodney sputtered.

"Damn it Rodney. I can't take this anymore. This thing with us is done." Keller whispered, as she set her tray down on the table in front of him and stalked out of the room. Silence filled the room after her departure. No one knew quite what to say or what had actually happened.

Walking over to one of the tables on the left, Amelia approached Major Lorne and some of his men, "what the hell was all that about?" she asked.

"Hey there Banks, just catch the end of that performance did you?" Lorne asked.

"Yeah"

"Apparently Dr McKay abandoned the Doc at the last moment when she was supposed to be going off world… again. She's not happy. And I suspect that a little bird may have told her about McKay's flirting with the new head of botony. Apparently she is quite a looker."

She laughed, "and by little bird, I presume you mean you?"

"Maybe" he said smiling as he got up to leave.

Settling in quietly with her lunch, Amelia's mind wandered again to her thoughts from earlier, the possibility of a future and a family with Ronon. The more she thought, the more sure she was, she didn't want a life and a home without love. Devotion and affection was all well and good, but she wanted more, needed more than Ronon was able to give.

Now all she had to do was tell him …


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Again, not mine.

**Chapter 2**

Walking towards his quarters, Amelia's heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. She had never been so nervous, not even on her first date with the quiet Satedan.

Swiping her hand over his door chime, she waiting, shuffling nervously from foot to foot. After a few moments of similar shuffling on the other side of the door it opened, revealing Ronon, dreads pulled back away from his face and a new set of bandages covering the stitches above his left eye. More sparring accidents apparently. Sometimes she wondered if he did it on purpose so he could see the Doc.

Realising that she had been standing their silently for over a minute, she started, "can I come in?"

"Sure" he smirked "what's up?"

He leaned in for a quick kiss and she pulled away. Raising an eyebrow in a silent question he stared her down.

"Ronon, we need to talk." she said as he continued to stare at her. Pacing to relieve the mounting tension in her body she turned and sat abruptly on the corner of the bed. "Ronon how do you feel about me?"

Walking away from the door to sit down next to her, he was quiet for a minute before asking, "what brought this on?"

"Its just … please, can you just answer the question?" she pleaded.

Looking at her, he realised she was serious, "I care about you very much Amelia" he said quietly.

"But you don't love me, do you? Not like you love her?"

"What!" his rough voice was raised.

Suddenly, she couldn't keep it in, standing she started pacing again as the truth tumbled out. "You say her name you know, in your sleep. You watch her all the time! And you … and you …"

"I… what?"

"You say her name when we make love, when you… finish." she mumbled.

Shell-shocked, Ronon just stared at her, his mind screaming to contradict her but he couldn't get the words out. Somewhere deep down he knew she was probably right. He didn't even need to ask who she was referring to. He never said her name any more if he could help it. Guess that wasn't turn out too well.

Quietly, he knelt before her as she curled into herself on the bed. "I'm sorry Amelia. None of this is fair to you."

"It's ok. I kinda knew when we started. But I had hoped …" she trailed off, looking up at him with a wan smile. "Friends…?"

"Always" he swore. "No matter what".

"Good" she said, getting up from the bed. Walking towards the door, she paused, walking back quickly to give him a quick hug. Once she reached the door once again, she paused again and he wondered if there was something else going on.

"You should tell her you know. After that display today in the mess with Dr McKay she is going to need a friend. And who knows, you might get another shot." She smiled quietly at him and closed the door behind her before he had a chance to ask. 'What display in the mess…' he thought. 'I hope she's ok.'

Sitting back down on his bed quietly, Ronon was soon deep in thought. He remembered the moments he had had with Jen before she had picked Rodney. He remembered the citrus smell of her hair, the feeling of her breath on his face during the almost-kiss in the quarantine, the shifty look on her face when she told him she was interested in someone else. He tried to recall every moment spent in her company, every smile, every gentle touch as she mended him, body and soul.

Amelia was right, he loved Jen still. Time and distance hadn't helped and somehow he had managed to wound someone whom he cared for deeply. True, he wasn't in love with her, but she was a good woman, who deserved more respect than he had shown her. Being honest with himself, he was slightly surprised that she had stuck around so long.

Bringing his thoughts back to the present he realised that several hours had actually passed and he was late for meeting Sheppard for some sparring practice. Leaving his room and putting his memories aside he trotted down the halls towards the practice room.

_Author's note: Next chapter, Jen's POV, I promise. Got the plot bunny in my head and just couldn't wait to get out chapter two! Be kind, please review!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: Once again, I own nothing. _

_Author's note: FYI - this is slightly AU. In my world, John and Teyla are together and (as of yet) there is no baby. Also, just in case its not clear, the chapter flips back and forth between Jen and Ronon's POV. Sorry if this gets confusing!_

**Chapter 3**

Jen sat quietly in her office reliving the conversation with Rodney in the mess hall, feeling her face flush with embarrassment that it had all been so public. She had known there had been something off with her and Rodney for weeks now, if she was honest with herself she wasn't sure it was every truly right. She cared for him but she wasn't entirely sure she was in love with him. Her heart didn't race when he came into the room, he couldn't make blush or stutter … not like…

No, she wasn't going to go there. He was with Amelia, he was happy. Amelia was strong, she was a fighter, she could keep up with Ronon where Jen floundered. It was for the best she told herself for what felt like the thousandth time.

A loud crash shook her out of her thoughts as she rushed into the infirmary. Seeing that one of the nurses had just knocked over a box of medical equipment which had recently arrived on the Daedalus, she relaxed.

"Are you alright Dr Keller?" Marie asked, noticing Jen standing aimlessly in the middle of the room.

"What… yeah, I'm ok. I just… I'll be back in a few minutes ok? Just need to some fresh air."

"No problem Doc. We'll page you if anything happens.

"Thanks"

Jen wandered out the main infirmary doors and down one of the hallways to the right. Just at the end there was a small balcony which overlooked most of the west side of the city. Evening was coming on and it was Jennifer's favourite place to watch the sunset. It was where she went for peace and quiet when things in the infirmary got too much, when the expectation being CMO and saving people's lives took its toll on her.

* * *

Crouching down in a defensive start position, Ronon and John circled one another, seemly intent on the battle of wits they were commencing.

Thwap, thwap, thwap.

The bantos rods knocked against each other with speed and agility as Ronon and Sheppard circled each other on the mat. Charging at Sheppard, Ronon pour his frustration into the fight, his disappointment over how things ended with Amelia, his questions about Jennifer… his concern for her wellbeing.

Distracted by this thoughts, Ronon was surprised to feel the sharp sting of the staff on his thigh. Jerking back, he shook his head, trying to push his thoughts aside.

"What's up buddy? You seem distracted?" Sheppard asked, arching the staff in his direction again, this time aiming for this shoulder.

Blocking the attack, Ronon grunted. "Nothing"

"I don't believe that for a second buddy. Something's up. Tell me about it. It'll make you feel better, I promise"

"No", he said, landing a blow on Sheppard's arm. Swinging low, Sheppard promptly took Ronon's legs out of from under him. Landing on his back, Ronon waited as Sheppard held out his hand to help him get up. "I don't believe you."

"Well tough"

Getting up to swing again, John was having an increasingly hard time keeping up. Ronon was stepping up his game, pouring whatever pain and angst he was feeling into the fight. A Satedan warrior in full fight mode was an awesome foe, more so when he was emotionally imbalanced and possibly unable to stop himself from lashing out and actually hurting someone.

Desperate to distract him, and to save his own ass from the ongoing assault, Sheppard asked the one question which had been on his mind for a while, since Todd the Wraith's assault on the Daedalus to be exact, and which he was fairly sure would stop Ronon in his tracks.

"What wrong with you and the Doc lately? You two are barely speaking."

Halting his assault abruptly, Ronon doesn't even see that John's swing was still coming, landing sharply on his shoulder, just beyond his shirt, splitting the skin for several centimetres. He watches, still in shock as it wells with blood, which runs down his arm and splatters onto the training mat.

* * *

"Jennifer… are you alright?" Teyla called out, entering Jennifer's office only to find it unoccupied. 'Where would she go?' An old memory stirring, Teyla remembered a little balcony off one of the corridors down the hall from the infirmary. It was very small and always unoccupied. She had found Jennifer there once before, when she had fled from Ronon's anguished cries as he detoxed from the Wraith enzyme.

Walking slowly along the corridors to the balcony, Teyla could hear her quiet sniffling, her Athosian heart beating in tune with a friend who was clearly in pain.

Emerging onto the balcony, Teyla couldn't immediately see Jennifer who was curled up into herself sobbing on a bench in the corner. Spotting her friend, Teyla sat next to her quietly, causing Jennifer to start when she felt a comforting hand on her knee.

"Jennifer… do you wish to speak about it?"

"I… I…" she stuttered. "I'm just so humiliated."

"Whatever for… you have done nothing to cause yourself embarrassment. If anything it should be Rodney who feels embarrassed."

"It was all just so public. I never wanted it to be like that."

"But you did want to stop seeing Rodney?"

"No. Yes. Damn it, I don't know," hiccupping, Jennifer wiped her tear strewn cheeks and took a deep cleansing breath. She needed to explain this to someone, she needed to work out what exactly she felt and she trusted Teyla more than almost anyone else with the secrets of her heart.

"I don't know if I wanted to split up with Rodney. I know that something was wrong in our relationship, more so lately but its never been right. Lately, there just seemed to be this hole growing between us and the more I tried to bridge it the worse it became. And I got more and more frustrated and angry because he just never seemed to notice that it was there, or I guess he didn't think it was a problem. I just… assumed that when I picked him that it was the best choice, that we had more in common and could build a more stable future together. He was safe, easy, a good man whom I could love, even if I wasn't **in **love with him."

Thinking silently for a moment, contemplating her next words, she went on, "when Rodney decided to pick his work over me… again I was disappointed. But when he was staying behind to see that other woman, I wasn't just disappointed, I was angry. I gave up someone special to be with him and now I can't help but think that maybe I didn't make the right choice. I care for Rodney and I know that somewhere deep down he cares for me. I just wonder… is that enough? Without the passion, is that enough?"

Teyla knew that Jen was conflicted and that she had to tread carefully, knowing that the other man whom Jen spoke of was Ronon. Jennifer had to make her own choice in the matter and she was at a loss for how to help.

"Jennifer, I think deep down you know the right decision. Love and passion are similar and yet very different things. And what you want from your life and what you are willing to settle for, are two questions only you can answer. What I know is that, in my life I have been blessed to be loved by two good men. With one I have a strong history, family and personal ties which go back generations. I care for him deeply. But the other man, with him there is also love, but there is passion. When we are together, I know that there is no one else who I would rather be with. But when we are not, the call of the familiar can be an appealing one. I made my choice nearly four years ago when I chose to stay on Atlantis. The choice you make now will be no less difficult but it is yours alone to make."

* * *

Silently, Ronon walked over to the wall to get a drink and to try and clean off the blood from his shoulder. He contemplating confiding in John and asking him about the mess with Amelia and Jen. Turning he asked, "what happened in the mess with the Doc today?"

"Oh that? Well, she and Rodney have split up it seems. About bloody time too, anybody with eyes could tell it wasn't working."

"What did he do?"

"He was Rodney, Ronon. He got wrapped up in his work and ignored her for weeks at a time. The Doc's a great woman, very understanding but that gets old. And I don't think it helped that he was spending so much time with that new head of botony. He swears its just research but he doesn't look at her like that's all it is."

"Oh."

"Why bring this up now buddy? You still got a torch in there for the Doc? 'Cause I thought you and Amelia were doing ok?" Concerned, Sheppard sat quietly next to Ronon and waited for an answer. If Ronon did still have feelings for the Doc that would explain a lot, why he had been particularly quiet lately, why he had seemly stopped getting injured during training, why Ronon had gotten a lot more short tempered with McKay.

"Amelia and I, we decided to end things… well, she decided to end things."

"Because of what happened in the mess?" Sheppard asked, confused.

"No, at least I don't think so. She asked me if I loved her, like I… like the Doc."

"Oh, well do you?"

After a long pause, Ronon answered. "No, I don't love Amelia. I like her, we have fun but no, I don't love her."

"But you do love the Doc?"

"Yeah"

"Wow"

"Yeah"

"So what are you going to do?" Sheppard asked.

"I don't know. She and Rodney just split up and I don't know how she feels about me. We haven't exactly been speaking recently, like you said."

"Well I think to start, you need to go to the infirmary and get that cut looked at. Don't argue. The bleeding hasn't stopped and it looks like it needs a couple of stitches. You can decide what to do about the Doc later."

* * *

"I thought I had made my choice, I thought that I had resolved that issue. But now its back and I don't know what to do, I keep second guessing myself."

"It's ok to admit you made the wrong choice. But Jennifer, please be sure this time. I know Ronon seems strong, but he has lost so much. I know he cares for you but I would hate to see his hopes raised and then dashed again."

"I… Thank you Teyla, for listening and for the advice. But I think you have it wrong. Ronon doesn't feel that way about me, at least not anymore. He is happy with Amelia and I have no intention of walking back into his life or hurting him."

"I know you don't intend to hurt him. But I think that you have the wrong impression of his relationship with Amelia. They are together, yes, but it is not a union of passion or love, at least not on his part. He still feels quite strongly for you, I am sure of it."

"I'm sorry Teyla, but I know you're wrong. It was hard enough to believe a man like Ronon could ever look at me like that but, to think he would continue to hold a torch for someone like me, its preposterous."

"What makes you so sure of that? Why do you doubt yourself so?"

"I… I just know" she said weakly, unable to properly explain how inferior she felt, how vulnerable she was on Atlantis, how she struggled with the complex web of social relationships, the constant need to be on guard and the ever present dangers presented by the Pegasus Galaxy. "I'm not strong or confident or beautiful like you. I can't keep up with him or fight by his side. I can barely go off world without reeking havoc on the universe."

"Now you are simply talking nonsense." Teyla said firmly. "You are a strong woman who has survived out here where most people would have begged to be taken back to Earth at the first opportunity. Don't sell yourself short. And don't sell Ronon short either, he sees your strength, even when you don't."

Getting up to leave, Teyla offered one final thought, "if you love him, tell him. Not saying the words was the hardest thing I did for many years. But when I finally said them, it was like the truth was giving me wings. I was free and at peace in a way I had not even imagined was possible. Whatever the answer, just be honest."

As Teyla reached the doorway, Jennifer asked quietly, "the man you spoke of, the second one, its John isn't it?"

"Yes" she answered softly, leaving Jennifer to her thoughts.

_Author's note: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed. Was really encouraging and definately helped me get this next chapter our which was a bit more difficult to write. I actually have the end of this story written already, am just trying to work out how best to get there! Am hoping to have another addition up in a few days. As always, please review! _


End file.
